If someone has a older daughter and younger son, is it preferable for his kunya (nickname) to be after his daughters name or his sons?
There is no problem to have the kunya using the daughters name, the prophet ﷺ said to the companion whose kunya used to be ‘Abu hakam’
“من أكبر أولادك؟”
“Who is the oldest from your children?”
He replied with “Shurayh” or the something like this.
The prophet ﷺ said ” You are Abu..” (then ﷺ he mentioned the name)
So he ﷺ asked about the oldest of the children and if he had mentioned a female then he would have been according to that. And the hadeeth has not mentioning of:
“who is the oldest of your children from the males”
So he asked about the oldest from the children and the term good
‘Child’ is applicable to male and female:
“(يُوصِيكُمُ اللَّهُ فِي أَوْلَادِكُمْ ۖ لِلذَّكَرِ مِثْلُ حَظِّ الْأُنْثَيَيْنِ ..)”
[Surat An-Nisaa 11]
“Allah commands you as regards your children’s (inheritance); to the male, a portion equal to that of two females;…”
So, there is no problem in having the kunya after the daughters name if she is the oldest of the children. However, the custom according to the Arab is that they abstain from having their kunya after the daughters name, they abstain from this in most cases, as for that which is taking place then their kunya’s are after their sons name, I mean: in times of ignorance they were upon this, even after Islam they were upon this you’ll find most of them have their kunya after male names.
( ..وَلَيْسَ الذَّكَرُ كَالْأُنْثَىٰ ۖ …ِ)
[Surah Al Imraan 36]
“And the male is not like the female.”
And the persons natural disposition is that he loves to have his kunya after his son, ‘Abu fulaan’.
So if it is from this angle then there isn’t a problem in nicknaming oneself after his sons name even if he is younger than the daughter, otherwise the origin is that the kunya is to be taken from the oldest like in the hadeeth previously mentioned:
” من أكبر أولادك “
Who is the oldest from your children?
Answered by: Shaykh Abu Bilaal Al hadhramy – may Allah preserve him
Answered on: 19, Safar 1441 (17th October 2019)
Translated by: Abu Huthayfah Saamy Al-hindy