Patience & Persuasion: Advice to those being kept in non-muslim countries by their spouses

Question :

A student of knowledge that was in Dammaj and is now in America would like to leave and return to Yemen in order to preserve his religion.

However he has two wives, neither of whom are pleased with that; the first wife was with him in Dammaj during the days of the seige and says: “If you want to go back to Yemen; divorce me and then go”. The second wife is fearful of poverty and a wasted future.

The brother has been patient for about four years and has children from them, so what is your advice?

May Allah reward you with good.

Answer :

Our advice to him is not to do rush into the matter of divorce and to attempt to persuade his two wives to depart to a muslim country – be it Yemen or other than Yemen – or to any other country that contains less or lighter evils in order to establish his religion with his wives.

He must not be quick cause them distress or difficulty or divorce them because they are the mothers of his children.

(Rather) he attempts to persuade them to leave this predicament, for indeed non-muslim countries are unfit for residency.

They are a grave predicament and it is a grave affair for one to remain in a non-muslim country seeing wrongdoings and being bound by the laws of the disbelievers in all matters, except what Allah wills. We ask Allah for safety and well-being.

What do you have there? “I am establishing my religion” what religion are you establishing there? You are praying and fasting, this is establishing the religion? In all affairs you must return back to them. You are a subject beneath them and beneath their authority and you are unable to raise your daughter how you wish.

So yes, if he is able to engage in this permissible politics in order to persuade his two wives to leave with him (he must). If not, one (wife) is sufficient if the other will not leave or insists (on staying).

With regards to rushing into divorce; I advise you to take your time and think carefully. As for hastening because “they do not want to leave with me and I have been patient so this one is divorced and that one is divorced” whilst his children go to waste – he must take a little bit (more) time.

But ‘if things get out of hand’ as they say, and the final remedy is branding (i.e. something disliked and only permitted as a last resort) it is better for you to save your own head – but the children cannot be abandoned.

He must attempt to get them to leave with him. As for departing alone and leaving his children behind there; they will be wasted and raised with that immoral upbringing. So if he is able to, he must take the children with him after the divorce.

He must take his time in the affair, reflect over the matter and seek the counsel of Allah (free is He from all imperfection and most high), see which option Allah has chosen for him and put his trust in Allah.

Even if he (must) mislead her and say we are going on a trip to ‘such and such’ a country – and he stops off in said country and remains in it for some days and then transports her to the country he wanted to leave for.

Out manoeuvre her and attempt to reach your objective through the legislated and permissible channels so long as there is goodness in her.

She remained with you in Dammaj and was patient. (Perhaps) she is apprehensive about Yemen because it contains tests and she has experienced tests and listens to the media and sees in the media that which frightens her.

So persuade her and be patient with her and by the permission of Allah you will reach the objective we have indicated.

Answered by

Shaykh Abu Bilal Al Hadhrami hafidhahullah

Translated by

Abu Sufyaan

Saami ibn Daniel Al-Ghaani